The Secret To A Happier Life and A Happier YOU. How To Set Boundaries, Learn To Say NO! And Avoid The Yes Man.

Reading Time: 3 minutes

I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.
Kurt Cobain

Definition Time:

A Yes Man: A person who will tell you what you want to hear (or what they think you want to hear) instead of something you NEED TO HEAR.

Dishonour, well firstly let’s split the words up:

Dis: indicating negation, lack, or deprivation: dissimilar, distrust, disgrace

Honour: honesty, fairness, or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions

= Dis-honour:  disgracing one’s’ integrity.

Honouring Yourself: helping people out but not to the detriment of yourself. 

After reading and understanding the above definitions, answer the following questions. I suggest doing this in your journal, so when you come review your journal in the future, this can be a nice reminder:

  • Think of the nicest person you know?
  • Why are they so nice? Is it because they will do anything for anyone and be there for them all the time and simply be a YES MAN?
  • How much do you think they are honouring themselves and putting their well being first?

To me, nice ISN’T about being a doormat for anyone and everyone. Nice is honouring yourself but giving (from your saucer) love and time to others but not to the detriment of your own well being. I don’t want a YES MAN, I want to be challenged and grow from my relationships and you can’t grow if you have a YES MAN. They stunt your growth

Setting boundaries involves an element of self awareness.

Some people are great at setting boundaries, however other people (including myself at times) struggle to set boundaries with certain individuals.

I feel it is easier to set a boundary with a stranger than it is your own family for example.

The steps to setting boundaries are:

  • Recognise how you feel
  • Be honest and assertive
  • Inform the other person how you feel
  • Let them know what they have done or said is NOT COOL
  • Present an alternative way of communicating with you
  • Start small if you are new to setting boundaries. Practice makes perfect
  • Rinse and repeat

If you do not express your feelings to others, you will end up bottling that emotion up which could turn into resentment and resentment is not a nice feeling.

Just Because You Could Doesn’t Mean You Should

If you have been asked to do something and you are more than capable of doing it, if it doesn’t feel in emotional alignment then listen to you own knowing and say NO. You don’t HAVE to do anything you don’t want to and if you are shamed or made to feel bad about setting the boundaries, stand strong and don’t be swayed but what others think of you. 

What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good (or bad) opinions of other people
Dr Wayne Dyer – I have added the “or bad” bit as that is completely relevant also.

If you are shamed for honouring yourself ask why? I doubt the other person will give a good enough reason. Don’t ever be made feel guilty for honouring yourself, however, if you are ever called selfish for not doing what someone else wants you to do  be aware that this is a form of manipulation so that you feel bad enough to do what they want you to do. If you give into this then the person will know that this form of manipulation works and will do it in the future (I know this from experience)  

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Until next time …

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